love is not a game to be played

OPINION

By Mary Anne Ghobrial

29/05/2014

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From a female’s perspective, I can safely say being in a full-time relationship is an overrated concept.

But then again, “singledom” is no a walk in the park either. For those that are single love is essentially

a game, where questions like “should I call her?” or “is he single?” become only too familiar.

 

When I first met relationship therapist Jennifer Ryan-Zeman, it came to my attention how often our

society reiterates the importance of love.

 

“It’s a heavily embedded concept,” Ms Ryan-Zeman said. “The media makes it out as if everyone needs

to be in a relationship, and those that are single are, like, at the bottom of the scale socially.”

 

On a basic level, she was right. Yet, if one continued to digest the thought, it could also mean that

by 2031 roughly 31 per cent of the population would also be at the bottom of this so-called scale.

Single, while the rest of their friends bask in relationships.

 

And as much as I love having time to myself, seeing all my male friends – who at one stage said

they would never settle for just one person – commit is sometimes like a slap in the face.

 

Unexpectedly, it was only a week after my chat with Ms Ryan-Zeman that a handsome stranger

approached me in a crowded foodhall. A young banker, he insisted he get my number.

 

At first I was hesitant, though I admit I entertained the thought simply because he was young, attractive and I still had Ms Ryan-Zeman’s words in the back of my mind: “the bottom of the scale.”

 

But then the messages came. The first text was witty, the second probably a little too long for my liking. But as they continued to flow, what was once flirty became sleazy and awkward. Now, I’m no prude, but if a man asks a woman to come to his office to give him a massage, days after she writes a story on massage rings with sex workers, I’d suggest he think again.

 

Honestly, I don’t think I now mind being at the bottom of the scale.

 

In America alone, roughly 40 million people use online dating services to find their Mr or Mrs Right. But what about those who simply want to skim the surface? Have fun without a full-front commitment?

 

Think about it: How often do you censor what you say to people you’ve just met? How many times have you called loved ones out of obligation, and not because you felt the compelling urge to hear their voice? Is love really love, or is it simply the idea that draws us in?

 

Researchers say one of the strongest predictors of men who cheat to those who don’t is opportunity. According to one self-professed “ordinary” man, this suggests most men at least toy with the notion of committing adultery. Sociologist Eric Anderson even suggests that open relationships are actually good for married couples, as love and lust are two entirely separate things that should be explored with different people.

 

Whatever your opinion, perhaps being “in-love” and in an exclusive relationship is not as necessary as one might think. Popular culture might tell us finding a soul mate is important in order to feel complete, but is it really? Why not find completion in friendship or travel, or even in acquiring knowledge?

 

Love is indeed a game, and being single may indeed be interpreted as losing. But perhaps being at the bottom isn’t as bad as one might think. The view from below is certainly an interesting one.