Three ways to get condoms

REVIEW

By Georgia Maher

30/05/2014

__________________

 

 

Like every good Girl Guide I took the oath of “Always be prepared” quite seriously. Our Boy Scout rivals

however must’ve been too busy tying knots instead of learning their key principles.

 

Guys in my own experience have never seemed to be overly prepared or aware of proactive condom

usage. With this revelation comes a rather pivotal confession; I have never bought a single condom in

my life.

 

In many years of enjoying the one-on-one game, the need for buying condoms has never emerged.

Relying on the guy has always been the option, or getting them from my brother’s not so secret stash

in the bed side table, or scoring free ones from over enthusiastic info sessions where they throw

domies out like Santa throwing lollies off of a fire truck.

 

Regardless, it was time to - for lack of a better phrase - man up and do it for myself. But where does

one get a packet of condoms from? It seems like such a simple request.

 

In true shop-a-holic style, online seemed to be the easiest and most embarrassing free way of

shopping up a storm. Sitting in bed with a cup of tea and old footy socks at 11pm on a Monday night

did feel particularly naughty of me. And we always like to do things that we aren't supposed to, right?

 

Try searching condoms online and see what arises.

 

The pun says it all. After weeding through the kinkiness of online sex shops, www.CondomsSales.com.au eventually presented itself.

 “Great, an online sex shop without kinky pop ups that won’t infect my laptop, like my lady parts I don’t buy these glow in the dark, ribbed condoms,” was exactly what came to mind. And with the products tag line reading: “Brighten up your night,” how could I resist?

 

The images looked like they were taken by an amateur selling sex products in his garage. And the unreasonable prices seemed as if he was trying to compensate for the rent that he was three months behind on. Never the less, the condom range was phenomenal.

 

Postage was $6.95 and the glowing gloves of joy, $12.95. Four days later they arrived innocently on my door step in a little brown box. A little steep, but for the sheepish type, it is a fair investment.

 

A trusted chemist website.

 

It popped into mind when looking for another guilt-free way of buying ‘supplies’; Chemist Warehouse seemed like the obvious choice. Cheap, safe and informative. Tick, tick, tick.

 

Chemist Warehouse has a discreet delivery service. You could have been ordering tissues, vitamins or deodorant for all the delivery boy knew. And the bank statement is debited to Chemist Warehouse, not a suspicious online sex shop.

 

Feeling pretty chuffed with the new ‘Intense Feel’ condoms I purchased, the price of postage and credit card surcharges were not in the forefront of my mind. But boy is the consumer again slapped with a string of fees and surcharges.

 

Did it pass the worth it factor? Certainly not. It wasn’t worth the $8.95 postage and 2.5% credit card surcharge to save the embarrassment of purchasing condoms at the grocery store. The whole escapade cost $18.83 for a packet of ten condoms that could’ve been picked up alongside other essentials of bread, milk and peanut butter at Woolies.

 

The late night supermarket dash.

 

This was the next condom buying challenge worth enduring. The shopping basket contained the odd combination of sesame seeds, almond milk, raspberries and Skynn condoms. The most embarrassing part was standing in the personal hygiene isle with three guys repacking shelves around me.

 

It felt as if they were silently judging the 20 something year old woman who slinked into Woolies at 11pm at night to get the ‘essentials’ that weren’t of the bread and milk kind. Embarrassed? Yes. Liberated? Surprisingly.

 

In this day and age of self check-out there was no reason to be embarrassed about the check out chick snickering under her breath about the brand I had chosen, or if my integrity still remained in tact. There was nobody around and no body to judge. Better yet, this time.

 

It was a win-win situation as I got to purchase the extra thin condoms with the humiliation factor as absent as the substance of the condom.

 

Just like losing my virginity on a one night stand, the more you do it, the less awkward and more liberating it becomes. So if vanilla ever turns up in my bed to have sex, he’ll be introduced to my new neapolitan condom collection because this Girl Guide will always be prepared.