sexting: a how-to guide for the sext-crazed

OPINION

By Kate Lilly

4/06/2014

_____________

 

 

Oh, youth these days! So out of control, so sexualised, so morally bankrupt.

All they want to do is send dirty text messages and attend Miley Cyrus

concerts. 

 

Sexting has become part of modern courtship, experts say.  All the

youngsters are doing it.  But sexting is still an incredible source of moral

turmoil for many (middle-aged) commentators.

 

So . . . is sexting always mad, bad and dangerous?

 

The concept is certainly nothing new.  For centuries, couples have found ways

to communicate and remain sexually connected when they’re apart. Many

moons ago, people sent erotic letters and poems of dubious quality. Phone sex is a more recent example. 

 

Today, the options are only limited by the speed of your Internet connection or the strength of your neighbour’s Wi-Fi password.  And yes, that does pose some new and different risks.  In a society obsessed with social media, an astonishing number of people are yet to grasp the concept of the Internet.  Once material goes up, it stays there forever.  You can screenshot a Snapchat.  More seriously, sexting becomes a problem when someone is betrayed, harassed or cajoled into doing something they’re not okay with. 

 

Digital communication undoubtedly poses a whole range of issues that we’re still learning to manage.  However, the changing way we communicate is not the heart of the problem.  For humanity, change is normal, inevitable and natural.  Sexting is not an inherently immoral pursuit. What about two consenting adults just having fun?

 

 

Nailing the basics

 

So, let’s say you’re one half of two consenting adults.  You’re eyeing that ever-present smart phone of yours.  What should you keep in mind before you introduce a new appendage into your sex life?

 

To get us started, I got some tips from relationship counsellor and sex therapist, Christina Spaccavento.

 

• Check and double-check exactly what it is you’re sending and who it is going to.

• Protect your privacy. If you’re going to send a particularly raunchy image - don’t show your face.

• Before you start experimenting with sexting, run it by your partner. Take a little time to lay down some boundaries and ground rules.

• If something goes wrong, seek some advice and support from someone you trust. 

 

 

Whacking out some winners

 

Now that you’re all set for some smart sexting, it’s time to stray further into the world of digital flirtation.  As your faithful guide, I took the time to collect some real life examples for you to avoid.  The Internet is certainly a glorious treasure trove of cautionary tales. 

 

 

    1. Resist the impulse to question your partner’s logic.  Save it for later. 

 

Person 1: I can’t wait to love you like there’s no tomorrow ;)

 

Person 2: Well, by then it will be tomorrow, so don’t you mean you can’t wait to love me like there’s no day after tomorrow???

 

Person 1: … Wow

 

 

    2. Be wary of autocorrect.  Occasionally it yields disgusting results.

 

Person 1: Cannot wait to see you tonight

 

Person 1: FYI: I will be taking off your pantyliner with my teeth

 

Person 1: Oh good God

 

Person 1: ***panties

 

Person 2: Ur phone is a MOODKILLER!!!

 

 

    3. It’s good to advertise your strengths, but sometimes a little subtlety does a long way.

 

Person 1: How are you?

 

Person 2: Pretty good . . . how bout you?

 

Person 1: Dealing with my penis – See guys are always “Oh man I wish I had a big penis blah blah. They don’t know the troubles of having one.  I mean I can’t have sex with most girls fully without hurting them.

 

 

    4. Try to use a little bit of imagination.

 

Person 1: What’s up?

 

Person 2: Not much, at work.  How are you?

 

Person 1: Not bad.  I was just thinking about your boobs. 

 

 

    5. But not too much . . .

 

Person 1: I make love to you in a forest. Your skin is rough. I snap off one of your fingers. You are a tree.

 

 

And let’s just have a blanket moratorium any of the following: moist, seed, pulsing, member, slick, lukewarm. 

 

 

Finishing the job

 

If you can avoid replicating any of those, you’re already doing better than a sizable chunk of humanity.  Congratulations!

 

But above all, sext with your partner and the stuff that works for them in mind. They might even repay the favour. Navigating intimacy in the digital age comes with its own set of challenges. But we shouldn’t be ashamed to embrace them.

 

 

For further reading, refer to my serious journalistic sources: 

• Straight White Boys Texting

• Really Bad Sexts

• 11 Incredibly Awkward Sexts Gone Wrong