Online interactions have fanned the romantic flame

OPINION

By Maria Angela Parajo

13/06/2014

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A lot of the mystery we've typically associated with romance is not as strong as it used to be.

We are now hiding behind our screens with spell-check and emoticons.

We would rather type a carefully crafted message than risk a face-to-face conversation that

may lead to an embarrassing moment or awkward silence. But these risky, vulnerable moments

and spontaneous conversations are essential to the process of falling in love. They are the stories

you tell your friends, and possibly your future kids, about how you met and what crazy thing you

did that swept her off her feet.

The courting process has definitely changed in the past 10-15 years.

We are losing the opportunities of getting to know someone when a person’s profile clearly states

their hobbies, dislikes and where they spent their last holiday. While these online platforms give

people the allusion of getting to know someone before you’ve meet them, we are still human beings

who need to interact face-to-face. These digital technologies have given us electronic masks to hide

behind and, by doing so, we lose the mystery that comes with romance.

Julian Wood, Lecturer of Sociology at the University of Sydney, says that the way of relating is now second nature:

“I was actually in a cafe the other day and I saw two people, possibly in their late 20s early 30s, and they had their laptops up and both were tapping away. I realised after 15-20 minutes of secretly observing this couple that they were actually talking to each other on their laptops while sitting there,” he snigger. “That seemed to me to be a kind of nth degree of insanity. Why don’t you close your laptops, you’re actually sitting opposite the person. . . and just talk to them?”

Filtering intimacy through the glow of a computer screen definitely fans a romantic flame. Studies suggest, this age of technology could be hampering the social skills of young adults and teens with more and more people choose texting, instant messaging, or other social media platforms as the preferred form of communication over face-to-face conversing. The rendezvous over phone texts, Facebook posts and instant messages are leaving a generation confused about how to land a boyfriend or girlfriend, and it removes much of the need for charm.

While these digital communications make it feel like you are more connected than ever, it doesn’t replace a comforting hug or the subtle nudge from your friend when you’ve spotted someone attractive. We are plugged in and tuned out that our cellphones have become a “romance contraceptive”.

We are becoming a generation of people too scared to put our true selves out there in the fear of rejection. While social media has increasingly made people narcissistic, they lack boldness. They are so self-absorbed that they fail to invest any effort or romance in wooing someone over.

Often it usually went: Boy meets girl. If all goes well, either the person asks the other out or they exchange numbers. Then there’s the building anticipation of waiting for his or her call. When you receive the call, your heart skips a beat before you answer it but you’re so nervous that your first sentences sounds like you’re gargling on mouth wash and you see an inevitable to the conversation. But it doesn’t end, and you talk on the phone for an hour. After a few more exchanges and both are still interested, a date is set.

But now it often goes: Boy meets girl. They add each other on Facebook and the profile stalking begins. At this stage, what they discover may easily bring the two together or end the relationship before it’s even started. If a person gets the nerve to IM the other, they correspond at a comfortable pace. If all goes well they may exchange phone numbers. But instead of calling each other, they converse via SMS, because it cushions the risk of early failure and awkward silences in conversations. He texts, she texts. You over examine the meaning behind each word. It takes you five minutes to reply; writing a response and then deleting it several times until you’re happy with your message. The pair may eventually call each other or video chat before a date is set.

When over the phone or speaking to someone face-to-face, there is a required courage, strategic planning and an investment of ego. By putting it all on the line rejection by these sorts will sting, but not so much with texting, e-mail, or instant messaging. It removes much of the need for charm; kind of like dropping a baitless line in the water and hoping for a nibble.

While the term ‘courtship’ is quaintly used and it may have already died out with the rotary telephone and poetic love letters, I say, don’t bury the idea of investing some effort in thoughtful and romantic ways to charm a lady.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m no hopeless romantic, so I’m not asking men to foot the cost of an expensive date or grand gesture, like sending a quartette to serenade me at my door. I simply want to know whether I should bother to go out with you if you can’t even pucker up the courage to ask me out face-to-face rather than via IM. Even making a small, sweet gesture would suffice just to show that you are genuinely interested in me. But any guy relying on his witty text messages or his skilfully crafted Facebook banter to charm a woman will have a permanent dry spell.

As Robert Greene’s novel The Art of Seduction says, women want to be lured and seduced because without it there would be no mystery, allure, or desire. Perhaps we can learn something from the process of courtship from years past and recapture the romance, intimacy and “real” communication that is often lost in dating couples today.

 

Related:

- Internet use ruins romance

- Love turns to technology