Addicted to love

NEWS

By Mary Anne Ghobrial

3/06/2014

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It’s a disputed term amongst mental health practitioners, but love addiction is an issue

that is showing up increasingly more in therapy sessions.

 

In a study published earlier this year, anthropologist Helen Fisher deems there are both

positive and negative sides to love. But Sydney therapist Jennifer Ryan-Zeman says it’s the

negatives that are the most worrying.

 

Ms Ryan-Zeman says, “If you view your parents as sort of a blueprint for what a

relationship should look like, if you go back you’ll find that [relationship addicts] usually

come from broken families or really chaotic sorts of families.”

 

Those who suffer love addiction are often attached to people who are emotionally

unavailable.

 

“They confuse intensity with intimacy. So if something is really intense and dramatic, they

confuse that for actual real love,” Ms Ryan-Zeman says.

 

Philosopher John Sutton believes that it’s the memories of our past that shape who we are today. It is possible, he says, that negative childhood memories could be what spark relationship addicts.

 

He says, “The kind of specific gap in your life, which could lead someone to continually or repeatedly look for a single other person or someone to fill that gap, is often going to be because there is a sort of failed coherence in the link between past and present”.

 

Often, signs of love addiction include:

 

• Staying in an unhealthy relationship, despite all signs one should leave

• Always feeling the need to be in an exclusive relationship

• Feeling one’s partner’s happiness is their responsibility

• Often attracting people who are unable to reciprocate love.

 

According to Mr Sutton, it is also possible there is simply too much pressure on people to be in a stable relationship.

 

“It is possible there is simply too much pressure on people,” he says. ”And unfortunately, not all endings are equally satisfying.”

 

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous offer a 12-step program for anyone who feels they categorise as a love addict.